forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
