butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Screwed.edu
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
