They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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