There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
