I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
