She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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