Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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