I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize