oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
MIDGETS
????
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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