VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
