She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
