hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
vagina is talking i cant
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
