all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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