Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
