note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
