What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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