ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
