Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
