do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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