Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
