The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
