He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
