Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
