I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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