he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
