man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
