I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
