I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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