He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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