watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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