You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
