my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
