Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
