Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
