already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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