did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
