i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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