she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, beer. Big fan.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
