i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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