i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
