Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
