"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
