We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
