if you like me you must not know who I am
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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