went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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