he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize