These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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