a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
