I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize