i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
