Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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