I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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