Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
nutella sex= disaster
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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