Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
