Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
