I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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