Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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