You just made me feel so damn special
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
