Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize