I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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