I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can I color on your dick again?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
