I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
