Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
