o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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