Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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