we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I love you.
Bad choice
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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