It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
